Five Things Clark and KalEl Don't Have in Common
by legendarytobes
Summary: AU - Interlude in the Crusade 'Verse between "Me, Myself, and I" and "Arrival." Clark's not like Kal-El at all, except when he is.


Five Things Clark and Kal-El Do Not Have in Common

Over the year since Clark had disappeared, Chloe had missed him terribly. While she care a great deal for Kal-El, the painful truth was that he and Clark, despite all their similarities, were not the same man. Chloe missed her best friend. Sometimes, although she couldn't explain why for the life of her, she even missed Clark's mopes. Kal-El was dynamic and smart and charming in his own eccentric way, and she was glad he was here, very glad, but there was something to also be said for old childhood friends. She missed Pete and Lana, after all, too.

Just so many things had changed.

And then Lex had managed to accidentally make Black Kryptonite and Clark was back, bumbling through what had been his life, with Kal-El overshadowing him or, perhaps, it was the other way around.

She had no idea the two of them would get along about as well as Tom and Jerry, although, that reference would fall flat on Kal-El most likely. She hadn't been all that surprised that Kal-El didn't care for Clark. He didn't hate humans, by any means, but he did resent spending years hiding and being forced to live through Clark's illusions of normalcy. The disdain he held for Clark had been clear from the day she'd met him. She was surprised, however, to see how much Clark detested and distrusted Kal-El.

There was so much between them that was polar opposite, and she could track it all over some of the simplest things.

1. Food.

"Chlo, I...uh...really appreciate you hanging out with me tonight. It's been weird lately."

She smirked up at him. "Since you woke up?"

"It's been a pretty Rip Van Winkle experience, I can admit that," he replied, picking at his pizza. "It's so weird that Pete's not here anymore and that you're, uh, not living with your dad."

And that was the polite Clark Kent way of saying that she was living with Kal-El instead.

"Yeah, things change," she replied. "It's nice to have you back. Things weren't quite the same without you."

She merely registered a black blur as Kal-El rushed to the sofa. "I should think things were better."

Chloe rolled her eyes and patted Kal-El's shoulder. She'd never seen someone so jealous and the fact that it was of himself completely blew her mind. "I thought we were working on the politeness thing. Remember, representative of the last noble race?"

Kal-El squared his chin haughtily. "That is true."

"Oh brother," Clark groused. Then he sniffed and curled his lip. "Gross, what is that?"

Kal-El eyed him coolly as he opened up the freeze-dried package. "There is a village outside of Tokyo that prepares excellent squid. I enjoy it."

"You went to Japan for food?"

"Why should I not? You would go to Burger King," he replied, shoveling something with too many arms into his mouth.

"In a car and just yuck."

"It is salty and very potent," Kal-El conceded. "There is nothing wrong with it. I would wager that you would enjoy it."

Clark scowled at him. "You're so weird."

Kal-El scowled back. "And Sull-I-Van says that I am colorful. Tentacle?"

II. Clothing

"That is surely not adequate."

"I'm sorry. I happen to like things that come in colors."

Kal-El eyed the short-sleeved black shirt he wore. "Technically, black is the compilation of all colors in the spectrum."

"Yeah, and it's black all the time. Black shirts, black jeans. You did know that it's July, right?"

Kal-El grinned from his spot on his sofa. "I do not feel temperatures. Of the two of us, I am the only one who can say that."

"Three," Chloe replied, leaning against him. "It's like three thousand degrees in here. Why do we have to hang out in the loft?"

"Well," Clark conceded, sweat trickling down his forehead. "This was a lot more fun when I didn't notice it was 105 degrees. I'm sorry. I'm new at this."

"Clearly," Kal-El drawled. "Would you like the powers back yet?"

"Shut up."

"Oh, how schooled I have been," he replied. "Clark, do us all favor and at least try something that is not a primary color for once. It is not desirable to have the palette of a three year old or of Fisher Price."

"How do you even know this stuff?"

"Of the two of us, I can actually pay attention."

Clark glared back at her. "And you live with him because?"

"He's a lot more charming if you're me," she replied. "Although, since you came back, he's been channeling his inner five year old a lot more."

III. Entertainment

"You know," Clark said, scowling back at the two of them. "I know you were trying to do a group togetherness thing, Chlo, but I don't want to see this movie."

Chloe sat up a little and tried to disengage herself from Kal-El's grasp. She was looking forward to how grabby he was going to get when the lights went down. Although, that might make Clark a little uncomfortable.

"Why do you not wish to view this one, Clark?" Kal-El asked and only he could make Clark's name sound like a private joke.

"Because it's for little kids."

"I do not think this is the case. The motion picture association has rated it PG-13, indicating that it is for teenagers at the least."

"I don't think that's what it means," Clark groused. "And if you wanted something PG-13, _The Wedding Crashers _is on next door."

"I do not cater to bawdy humor."

"But you're going to sit through Johnny Depp's Michael Jackson impression? Why?"

"It is hilarious and I enjoy the book."

"Like you've even read it," he snapped.

"This alpha male posturing gets less sexy and more pissing me off the longer this goes on," Chloe groused.

Kal-El nodded. "I am sorry, Sull-I-Van. Clark, no one is keeping you here. If you would like to go with your other friends to that film, then you are welcome."

"No, this is cool," Clark replied and Chloe patted his hand quickly, but not for too long because she wasn't entirely sure Kal-El wouldn't rip it off. Clark only had two friends and one of them was Kal-El, whether the two of them actually liked each other or not.

"Besides," Kal-El replied, his voice growing quiet. "I remember all of Dahl's books well. Our mother read them to us."

"_ My _," Clark corrected.

Kal-El sighed. "As you wish."

He didn't move or say anything for the rest of the movie and Chloe spent her time less-than-subtly kicking Clark.

IV. Ambition

"So," Chloe said, rifling through her closet. She was going to have to insist that Kal-El stop bringing her back so many clothes whenever he went overseas for a natural disaster. She had a ridiculous amount of couture for any Kansas girl, especially if one considered that she preferred t-shirts and jeans for her spying duties. "Have you picked a major at Met U, yet?"

Clark sighed. "I didn't even think I'd be going there."

"The farm's solvent, Clark. Kal-El insured it as a trade-off for not doing the manual labor."

"There's nothing wrong with farming."

"Kal-El never said that," she replied. "He just didn't want to be the _only _hand. That's not fair, not when he could make other arrangements. His time his more valuable than that."

"My dad's job is important."

"And as someone who loves eating food I know that," Chloe corrected. "However, when Kal-El's not in class and now that you've finished out the semester for him, he's saving people's lives. What your dad does is great, but if a dozen people die in a car accident and he could have saved them, how is Kal-El supposed to feel?"

"Like that robot feels anything," he snorted.

She turned around and scowled at him. "That's not nice."

"Oh, like he treats me any better."

"He's defensive."

"Why? He's the almighty alien overlord whatever. I'm supposed to be cowering before him or something like that."

She shook her head and sat down next to him on the foot of the bed. "You really are dense, aren't you?"

"What?"

"Your parents like you better."

"Of course they do. He's not their son."

"He _is _. He adores Martha," Chloe replied. "And he knows that...he was there for everything, Clark. He knows that I might have, you know, had that crush thing back in freshman year." Clark, thankfully, also played into the fiction that he and she had had this mixed up puppy love thing that had died out years ago. It preserved what little dignity and self-esteem she had left and kept him from feeling so guilty.

"I know," Clark replied, although his tone suggested that she'd told him something as revolutionary as that the world was round. "Still, he's got all the powers."

She arched an eyebrow at him. "You're the one who wanted to be human in the first place."

"I did...I mean, it's great."

"Yup, who doesn't love exhaustion, sweat, and pain. Not to mention sickness. Flu? Sign me up."

"Just because you got an upgrade," he said. "I think being human's great."

"Right, there's a reason it's called the human condition and mostly because it sucks."

"Nope, it's great," Clark defended and she let him go. There was no point to bring up the old adage about wishing now.

"Right, so, what are you going to major in next year, Mr. Kent?"

"Freshmen, I don't have to declare for two years," he replied.

"What do you want?"

"I don't know anymore, Chlo," he admitted. "I fought against this whole destiny thing and now someone else has it and I don't know."

She frowned at him and the realization hit her. "You never thought you were actually going to college, did you?"

"No," he replied. "Honestly? I thought Jor-El was going to get his way first and now I'm free and I don't remember who I wanted to be."

"What about journalism?"

"Maybe," he replied. "I liked that. I used to love astronomy."

"I know."

"That's his," he replied bitterly. "I can see the sky and it's beautiful. I know where the constellations are and everything, but the journals are like reading hieroglyphics or Kryptonian now. He took the prodigy stuff."

"Oh."

"How geeky is it to miss math or speed reading or how easy it was to memorize everything?" He snorted. "I don't know what I like when my mind just works like a human's."

"Well, I'm pretty sure you were always smart. Maybe not Dr. Swann smart-watching the two of them debate physics is hilarious by the way-but that's alright. Try a few journalism classes, okay?"

"I will, at least for you," he replied, sitting up. "Are you really doing this?"

"What?"

"Doing the seeing the world thing with him? What about college?"

"Clark, I'm going to be around for a long while and, honestly, Dr. Swann would be able to get me into any college I wanted when the time came. Kal-El...he's awkward."

"You think?"

"He's not all that good at fitting in. He needs a companion and he's chosen me and I'm honored to do it."

Clark frowned at her. "You really do love him, don't you?"

"I think I do," she replied. "Uh, is that weird for you?"

"No, why would it be weird?" he deflected. "So, Chlo, what about something fun on the side. They have this film class about superheroes and..."

V. Love

They hadn't been back to the apartment in almost six months, but they were in between a tour of Southeast Asia and Africa, and it had felt like Christmas was the time to come back to Metropolis. Kal-El picked everything up so fast that it amazed her. She couldn't keep track of all the languages he'd learned. She wondered if he'd found what he was looking for, if he'd found out how to take care of humans best. She didn't think he had.

And yet, every where they went, the crime rate plummeted. She had a feeling that Kal-El already knew, deep down, how he was supposed to "rule," and it wasn't all that much different than what Clark had done back in Smallville.

"You are quiet," Kal-El replied, stroking nimble fingers through her hair.

Chloe sighed and leaned against his chest, wishing that her power could undo that one scar, but it was something even out of her control. God, she loathed the Fortress.

"I'm sorry. Did I not stroke your ego enough tonight?"

"You have stroked many things recently, Sull-I-Van," Kal-El replied, smirking. "I was not worried about that. You seemed more than satisfied."

"I was," she replied, kissing him. "Sorry, I was thinking about Clark."

"That is not something I wish to hear during this particular activity," Kal-El growled.

She made a superpowered alien growl, cool.

"It's not like that. I think he's lost."

"Clark has always been lost. I did not think that would ever change."

"Some compassion?"

"I am not heartless."

"I know. It's been a long time, Kal-El. You know where I stand. It doesn't mean I don't worry about my best friend, okay?"

He nodded. "Why are you troubled?"

"Lana."

"That does seem like an old concern."

"He's not happy with her."

"How obvious," Kal-El replied. "It is not possible to be happy with someone as devious and fickle as she. Even without our alien nature, Clark should have realized that."

"Is he?"

"He is indistinguishable from a human now, but he was still born on Krypton. His lineage would still be Kryptonian. I do not know what that would mean, exactly. I should think that would make Lana uncomfortable," Kal-El shook his head. "I should have left her in Paris permanently."

"I just...he seems so sad, even if he's doing that happy brave face thing."

"Of course he is sad, Sull-I-Van. He realized that what he has so sought after is not all that he wanted it to be. And, of course, there is that other thing."

"What other thing?"

"I have won the girl," he replied, kissing her deeply.


End file.
